Do Your People Know You Care?
“Leadership is not about being in charge; it’s about taking care of those in your charge.” — Simon Sinek
Kavita Coomar was new to the front desk at the Ritz-Carlton when she got the call about her mother.
There had been a serious accident back home, halfway across the country. Kavita needed to be with her family, so she called her manager to resign.
Her manager listened. Then she offered to buy Kavita a plane ticket home, and to send a car to take her to the airport.
She also told her the job would be waiting whenever she was ready to come back. Or, if staying near family made more sense, she'd help her transfer to a property close to home.
Kavita turned down the ticket and the car. She wasn't comfortable accepting them.
When her mother recovered, Kavita returned to work at a Ritz-Carlton close to home. She's been with the company ever since. Today she teaches at the Ritz-Carlton Leadership Center, telling that story to rooms full of leaders. That's where I heard it, from Kavita herself.
It's easy to hear that and focus on Kavita: her gratitude, her years with the company.
But I keep thinking about her manager. She could have accepted the resignation and moved on. Instead, she paid attention to what Kavita needed and showed her a way to take care of her family without giving up her career.
The ticket and the car were never used. The message behind them landed anyway: you matter to me, and so does what you're going through.
Where Care Falls Short
My last article, You Can't Demand Loyalty, was about earning it. I shared five conditions, starting with setting clear expectations and ending with investing in people's futures.
What I didn't say plainly is that care runs through all five. How you put them into practice tells people whether you're invested in them or only in what they produce.
Kavita's story is the vivid version. Most care is more ordinary. It's the honest feedback you'd rather avoid. The conversation about where someone wants their career to go. Recognition said out loud. Standing up for someone when it's the right thing to do.
So why doesn't care always reach people?
Care falls short in three places:
You don't see how much it matters, or assume it's already obvious.
You see it, but don't make the time.
You want to show it, but aren't sure how.
Each one has a different fix.
What a Paycheck Can't Buy
Some leaders see care as secondary to the work. “You have a job. Be grateful for it. Do the work.”
A paycheck buys someone's time and effort. It doesn't buy much beyond that.
When people feel cared for, they give more than the job requires. They think about the problem on the drive home. They help a teammate who's stuck. They make the right call when nobody's watching, because they care about the place too.
They're also more likely to stay, and for the right reasons.
The research backs this up. Decades of studies link feeling valued at work to stronger commitment, better performance, and lower intent to leave. And the effect is strongest when people see the care as a choice rather than an obligation.
Look again at what Kavita's manager offered. Helping her transfer closer to home meant losing her from her own team. She offered it anyway, and Kavita could feel that it was sincere.
Then there are leaders who care deeply and assume their people already know, or let the benefits package and the holiday party say it for them. But what feels obvious to you may never have been said or shown.
Care only counts when people can feel it. The good news is that most of it is simple, and a lot of it fits inside work you're already doing.
Make It Felt
It's tempting to think care has to be big. Kavita's story is care in one of life's hardest moments. Most of the time, care is small, specific, and repeated.
Start with the person. The same gesture lands differently with different people. Public praise energizes one person and embarrasses another. So pay attention to what matters to each person. Sometimes that means asking. Sometimes it means noticing and surprising them.
And don't wait until things settle down. Most of what follows takes minutes.
Here's a menu. Pick a few and try them out:
Use the time you already have
Open every one-on-one by asking how they're doing.
Listen without planning your reply.
When a project wraps, name what each person contributed.
Keep the one-on-one on the calendar. Repeatedly canceling it sends a message.
Make it personal
Learn the names of the people they go home to.
Introduce them by what they're great at, not just their title.
Write a thank-you note by hand.
If they're working late on a project, pay for a nice dinner with a guest.
Surprise them with a day off to celebrate something special.
Invest in them
Ask, "Where do you want to be in three years? How can I help get you there?"
Tell them the potential you see in them.
Pay for a professional development course, and protect their time to take it.
Connect them with someone in your network who can help them grow.
Give the raise before they have to ask.
Back them
Show up for them in hard times, even if it's personal.
Protect their time off like it's your own.
Give them credit by name with your boss or the board.
When something goes wrong, own your part and handle the rest with them privately.
Be clear and direct
Set the expectation before you judge the result.
Deliver feedback within a day, praise and criticism.
Don't avoid hard conversations.
Bring them in
Show them the big picture you're working toward, and where they fit in it.
Ask for their opinion, and welcome it when it differs from yours.
Ask, "What would you do if this were your company?"
Most of these take minutes. A few take real time. All of them take attention and consistency.
One Person, This Week
For Kavita's manager, it was one phone call. She paid attention to what Kavita needed, and she acted.
You'll face smaller versions of that moment this week. A one-on-one where someone seems off. A project that wraps without anyone saying thank you. A person doing good work who's wondering whether anyone noticed.
So think of one person you lead.
What have you done recently that lets them know you care?
If nothing comes to mind, pick one idea from the list and try it with them this week.
Related Essays
You Can't Demand Loyalty: Why loyalty is behavior, not tenure, and the five conditions that earn it. This article goes deeper on the care that runs through all five.
10 Leadership Lessons I Wish Someone Had Told Me at 25: The ten lessons that anchor Simple Leadership, starting with You Must Genuinely Care. This article is the practical deep dive on that first lesson.
Why Leaders Avoid Tough Conversations: Why holding back hard feedback protects the leader more than the person, and how to make honest feedback part of the daily rhythm. One of the clearest ways to show you care.
Footnotes and Sources:
Simon Sinek, "Leaders Eat Last": The epigraph comes from Sinek's 2014 book, which argues that leaders earn trust and commitment by putting the well-being of their people ahead of their own interests.
Perceived Organizational Support: The research referenced in this article began with Robert Eisenberger and colleagues in 1986. Two meta-analyses summarize it: Rhoades and Eisenberger (2002), Journal of Applied Psychology, covering more than 70 studies, and Kurtessis et al. (2017), Journal of Management, covering 558. A consistent finding is that the reciprocity effect is strongest when employees see the organization's actions as discretionary rather than forced.
